Last week I spent a glorious six days in a place that makes me happier than any other place on Earth. This place is a small Idaho town nestled in the Payette forest with a lake surrounded by mountains. Magical McCall.

My first trip to McCall was when I was a baby. My Mom’s family is from Boise and they started going to McCall when my Mom was a young girl. My Grandpa was a boat man and my Mom grew up in a family who went boating most weekends. She and her siblings were amazing water skiers. To this day I proudly tell people that my Mom could beach start and dock start back in the day…neither of which I have ever been able to do.

My Grandparents eventually built a summer home in McCall. When I was in fifth grade, my parents built a house next door to my Grandparents’ McCall home.

Growing up, my parents, brother and I would spend two weeks every summer in McCall. Those weeks were filled with boating, swimming in the lake, floating on tire like tubes, riding motorcycles around our little neighborhood with dirt roads, roasting hotdogs and s’mores over fire pits, playing tag in the neighborhood at night with a mix of local and summer kids, and going out to the forest with my Grandpa to load the trees he cut down for firewood.   My Grandparents were next door in their house and my Aunts, Uncles and Cousins were scattered between my Grandparents’ house and my Parents’ house.  I have a Cousin who is 18 months older than me and I thought she was the coolest chick around. She let me borrow her clothes and we’d go into town to try to meet boys. I have so many great memories of those summers. It was the highlight of the summer…even when I did not want to go once I reached my teenage years. Once I got there, I was so glad to be there.

We would sometimes also spend two weeks in the winter at our McCall house during the Christmas and New Years holidays. One year we purchased a permit and went into the forest to cut down our Christmas tree. The snow was so deep it was up to my little brother’s waist. My Mom is the handy one in the family and I remember her lying in the snow, under the tree we picked, cutting the trunk with a saw. We never cut down a tree after that, we always bought one in town. But I sure remember the year we cut down our own Christmas tree!

I learned to ski at Brundage Mountain, just outside of the town. It was a small resort back then but with incredible trails. I was always the child who made friends anywhere I went and our first year skiing at McCall I made friends with a little girl who’s parents and Grandparents were a piece of McCall’s history. My parents stayed in touch with her parents for years.

I missed the summer McCall trip my last year or two in highschool and also in college a couple of years due to sports, work, and other commitments. But after graduating UCLA in 1992, I headed to McCall by myself for two weeks before leaving for a European backpacking trip. My Grandparents picked me up at the Boise airport and brought me up to McCall. I stayed in my parents’ house all by myself.

That summer was a magical summer for me because it was the year that I formed an incredible bond with my Grandfather who we all called Gramps. I had always been close to Gramps and he was an incredible Grandfather to all of his grandchildren. But that summer, Gramps and I spent a lot of time together and our relationship from then on was one of the most important relationships in my life.   I was a fanatical water skier by then, having finally learned to slalom ski the summer before. I got up early every morning to ski because the water was as smooth as glass in the early morning. My Grandpa, who loved to read the paper in bed until 9am everyday, got up every morning and was waiting for me before 8am to take me water skiing. He was always dressed and finishing his cup of coffee when I would poke my head in the door and ask “are you ready?”

“Well, I guess so,” he would say with a smile.

In late June, it’s far from warm before 8am in McCall. But Gramps never complained. He would ski me around that lake as long as I wanted to go, my little cousin flagging for us.

“How come you don’t like skiing in the afternoon when it’s warm?” my Grandpa would teasingly ask me.

“C’mon Gramps….you know the water is better in the mornings.” I would reply.

“Well, I guess so”, he would say with a smile.

My Grandfather was also determined to teach me everything about handling a boat that summer. He would take me out on the lake daily and teach me how to drive the boat, how to park the boat in all sorts of places, and he showed me every rock and shallow part of that lake. He even made me learn how to launch the boat and take the boat out of the water.

“Why do I need to learn all this stuff?” I would ask.

“Because someday I won’t be here and I’m counting on you to do it”, he would reply.

Tears would come to my eyes and I would look away. A life without my Gramps was not what I wanted to think about.

My parents came up for the 4th of July that summer and my Dad took me back to the Boise airport a few days later. I was leaving for Europe with my college best friend once I got back to California. I went to say good-bye to my Grandpa before leaving for the airport.

“Bye Gramps. Thanks for skiing me everyday” I said.

He hugged me hard “Be careful sweetie”.

I grinned at him and said “of course”.

In 1996, I brought Gordie to McCall for the first time. I was so excited for Gordie to meet Gramps. They hit it off immediately. My Grandpa even took Gordie to his precious fishing hole that first trip…just the two of them. That was the first summer that my Grandpa did not ski me around the lake.

“Your Mom and Gordie can ski you now Sweetie” he said.

Gordie and I went to McCall in 1997, 1998, 1999, and 2000. We waterskied, hiked, played golf with my parents and Gramps, ate ice cream at McCall’s famous Ice Cream Alley, drank Coors Banquet at the town dive bar, Forresters, roasted hot dogs and s’mores and sat and talked on the dock. It was our favorite place.

In 2001 I married Gordie in McCall, Idaho. It was the perfect wedding. We got married in the little Catholic church. Our wedding party was driven to the church in a horse driven carriage and a horse driven wagon. Jane, my Matron of Honor, and I were in the carriage. The horse puling the carriage stopped about half way and pooped. A small fleck of its poop drifted up and landed on my dress. Jane looked at me to see if I was going to freak out. I looked at it, scrunched up my face, flecked it away and looked at Jane.

“I was just pooped on in my wedding dress” I said.

We started laughing.

My Parents and Grandparents were seated in the front row of the church. During the wedding I looked at my Gramps and he had big tears rolling down his cheeks…tears of happiness.

Our reception was at Brundage Mountain, the place where I had learned to ski. Gordie and I had skied there earlier that year when we went up to get our marriage license and do some planning. We had cocktails and appetizers in a yurt at the top of the chairlift. All of our guests rode up the chairlift to get there. One of my favorite pictures is Gordie and I just after we got off the chairlift after the cocktail hour. One of my other favorite pictures is of my Mom dancing with her Dad…my Gramps.

Gordie and I went to McCall every year after we got married but skipped in 2005 because Nathan was a newborn and I did not want to travel with a newborn. In 2006, my Grandpa was hospitalized in the early summer. I flew to McCall to see him. He had to be moved to an assistant living facility in McCall. It was very hard for me to see him there. He had Alzheimers by then and I was not sure if he really knew who I was. I brought a book to the facility and read to him. When it was time for me to fly back home, I hugged him and said “I’ll be back in a couple of weeks and I am bringing my son to meet you.”. He just smiled.

I flew home and when I waked into the door, I held on to Gordie and cried. I knew my Grandpa was not going to be around much longer.

We flew up a couple of weeks later with Nathan. I had spent those weeks praying daily that my Grandpa would live to meet my son. We arrived and I took Nathan immediately to the assisted living facility to meet Gramps.

“Gramps, this is Nathan, my son”, I said as I held Nathan out to my Grandpa who was sitting in a wheelchair.

Gramps was silent but he nodded and reached out his hand to gently stroke Nathan’s head.

We spent a lot of time that week with my Grandpa. I have some pictures of Nathan and Gramps that I will treasure for my entire life.

The night before we were to fly home, I went to the Assisted Living facility.

“He’s already asleep honey”, the nurse said.

“I have to go home tomorrow. Can I see him please?” I asked.

“Sure” she said.

I sat next to my sleeping Gramps and cried. I knew that this would be the last time I saw him. I talked to him and told him all the memories I had of him and how much I loved him. Finally, I put laid my head down on his arm and sobbed. I then kissed his cheek and said “I love you” and left.

My grandfather died about two weeks later.   I was devastated.

 

We went to McCall in 2007, 2008, and 2009. It was not the same for me but I always felt closer to my Grandpa when I was there.

In 2010, my second son, Wyatt, was born. I will always be sad that Wyatt was not able to meet Gramps. My Grandfather’s name was C. Howard Gills. The “C” stood for Charles. Wyatt’s full name is Wyatt Charles Ball, in honor of my Grandfather. We did not have a middle name picked out for Wyatt before he was born. As I held him immediately after he was born, I asked Gordie “how about Charles for his middle name?” Gordie smiled and nodded.

We skipped McCall in 2010 because Wyatt was such a difficult baby. We went again in 2011 not knowing it would be our last trip to McCall with Gordie.

Gordie died in March of 2012. We already had our plane tickets to go to McCall in August of 2012.

In May of 2012, I decided that I needed to bring the kids to McCall. It was my happy place, their Dad loved it, and it was part of our family story. But I knew I could not do it on my own. I called Greg, Gordie’s best friend.

“I want to take the boys to McCall in August but I don’t think I can go there on my own. Can you, Reg, and the kids come with us?”

“Of course” Greg replied.

The summer of 2012 we started a new tradition of going to McCall with our best friends, the Prons.

That trip was very difficult for me. We were there for what would have been my 11 year anniversary with Gordie. On the morning of our anniversary, I put my running shoes on and ran to the little church where we were married. It was empty but the door was open. I crept silently inside, sat in the back pew, and cried.

The following year, I took the boys to see the church where we were married. A new Priest was in the church. We talked and I mentioned that I was married there 12 years ago but that my husband was now with God. He looked at my young boys and at me and said “I am so very sorry to hear that.”.

We have not missed a summer in McCall since then and as we have moved forward with our lives, so has our love affair with McCall. Ironically, Gordie was not the first boyfriend I brought to McCall, and turns out he would not be the last. We now go with my boyfriend, and often his kids join us. The Prons still join us every other summer. My boyfriend and one of our kids now ski me around the lake. I drive the boat, just like my Grandpa taught me. We continue some of the traditions from when I was a girl and from when I was married to Gordie and we have made some new ones.

Last week was the first time that I did not visit the church where Gordie and I were married. We drove past it several times and every time we did, I said a silent hello but I did not stop and go in. My tradition since 2012 has been to run there and have a private visit with Gordie but last week I did not run because I’m nursing an injury. As we left town on Sunday, my actual anniversary with Gordie, we drove past the church and I silently said “I’m sorry Gordie”. I felt guilty for not going and paying tribute to our marriage. Now that I am home, I wish I had gone to the church. But I also know that Gordie is happy that the boys and I are moving forward with our lives and he and I visit in other ways.

I love McCall. It is the backdrop of two of my greatest love affairs….my Grandfather and my Husband. It might sound weird to use the words love affair and Grandfather in the same sentence but my Grandfather is one of the greatest loves of my life. When I am in McCall I can still hear him. When I am driving the boat, I can hear him gently telling me what to do. When I see a golf ball or we drive by the McCall golf course, I think of all the rounds of golf that Gordie and I played with my Grandfather well into his mid 80s. I still laugh at all the times I would yell at him to stop looking for random golf balls…he just could not help himself. I feel close to my Gramps when I am in McCall.

When I am in McCall, I also feel close to Gordie. We did not live there but we loved it. We picked McCall as our summer vacation year after year. We did not even consider another location for our wedding. We brought our kids there. We planned to live there in the summers once we retired, just like my Grandparents and Parents. I think of Gordie every morning when I walk down the ramp to the dock where my Mom keeps her boat. Gordie found $11 in the lake next to that ramp one summer and he was so excited about finding the money you would have thought he won the lottery. It still makes me laugh. I have a picture of Gordie and Nathan sitting on the end of the dock at our beach looking out at the lake. I had that picture framed and hung in Nathan’s room. Every time I sit on the end of that dock, I think of Gordie. Every time we pass the little church where we were married I knock twice on my heart.

I think it’s quite possible that I might have a third great love affair in McCall. My boyfriend, who I have been dating for five years, and I talk about spending summers in McCall after we retire. He has fallen in love with McCall too. I am sure it’s a little weird for him that I was married there and that Gordie is so much a part of McCall for me but he’s accepted that Gordie is a part of our lives and he knows McCall will always be my place.

Magical McCall. My happy place. I can’t wait to return.