The Funeral

Nov 27th, 2016 Death, Grief, Kids Grief, Life, Loss, Running Staci Maher Ball

I really remember very little about the actual funeral. I know the Priest did a great job but I could not tell you anything about it. I just sat there and looked at the coffin and wondered when I was going to wake up from this nightmare. When it was over Nathan and I followed the casket outside. I could feel most people at the funeral watching us. I took a final look at the casket in the back and then nodded at the Funeral Director. He closed the back and then walked to the driver’s side and climbed in. He started the car. I started to feel panicked. Gordie was leaving. Forever. I watched the hearse drive away as huge tears fell from my face, splashing on to the pavement. I looked down. My tears were so big, they left wet marks on the pavement, like raindrops. #funeral #sayinggoodbyeforthelasttime #widow #wakemeupfromthisnightmare #coffin

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Planning a Funeral for my 44 year old Husband…are you friggin’ kidding me??

Nov 26th, 2016 Death, Grief, Life, Loss Staci Maher Ball

A wife is in a complete daze following the sudden loss of her husband but she still must make life long, non-reversible decisions such as cremation or burial, open casket or closed, whether or not Nathan should be allowed to see his Dad one last time, Catholic mass or not, reading selections, music selections, pallbearer selection, etc. On my best day, I would struggle with trying to make these decisions and here I was having to make them in a state of shock and sadness that my husband was gone. And every time I was asked to make a decision, all I wanted to say was I don’t want to do this! #funeralprep #lifelongdecisions #iwanttoscream #widow #grief

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