My oldest son, Nathan, turned 13 this week. He was 2.5 months shy of his 7th birthday when my husband died in 2012. My son has lived nearly half of his life without a Dad on Earth.

Half of his life without a Dad.

Half of his life without a Dad to cheer him on from the bleachers at his baseball games.

Half of his life without a Dad to take him out to practice on a warm summer evening.

Half of his life without a Dad to take him to a professional sports game.

Half of his life without a Dad to take him to Father/Son events.

Half of his life having to talk to his Mom about things he would much rather discuss with his Dad.

Half of his life missing his Dad.

Here’s the amazing thing. My son has never complained about not having a Dad. He’s complained about circumstances that come with not having a Dad. But he’s never complained about not having a Dad.

Forgive my language, but I think that’s pretty f’ing amazing. And even though my son drives me crazy a lot of the time, I think he’s pretty damn amazing.

I am 49 years old and my Dad, thankfully, is still around and very much a part of my life. My Dad is still there when I need advice. He’s still there when I need help. So, I have no idea what it’s like to be my son. I have no idea what he feels deep down inside.

But I can guess.

I know that he misses his Dad tremendously. He idolized his Dad and they were best friends. My husband spent every minute he could with Nathan. My sons are five years apart in age so for the first five years of Nathan’s life, he had 100% of his Dad’s attention.

My husband took Nathan to sporting events.

My husband practiced football, baseball, and other sports with Nathan in the back yard until dark.

My husband took Nathan on a “guys only trip” to the Royal Gorge, the Alligator farm and the sand dunes.

My husband bought a huge Costco box of Otterpops every spring and ate them with Nathan on the back porch throughout the summer.

My husband took Nathan fishing.

My husband took Nathan to Rock City.

My husband planted an apple tree with Nathan on Earth Day.

My husband played Star Wars with Nathan.

My husband sat with Nathan leaning against him on the couch while they watched Nascar races.

My husband took Nathan skiing.

My husband made giant snow piles for Nathan to slide down.

My husband read NFL books to Nathan.

My husband picked Nathan up from school everyday.

Nathan remembers almost all of this. He talks about his memories of his Dad quite a bit. “I remember when Daddy and I….” He often talks about it when we are in the car. When he talks about it he’s usually looking wistfully out the window. I am pretty sure he does not even see what he’s looking at outside the car. He’s only seeing his memories in visions.

Nathan never complains about not having a Dad but I see it in his face when he is watching other kids with their Dads. I can see it in his face when he is the only kid at an event with a Mom instead of a Dad. I see it in his face when he is staring into space lost in his thoughts. I can sense he is trying to escape reality when he reads for hours.

But he never says anything. Not a word.

I know he hates not having a Dad. I know that he wonders why God took his Dad away. I know he wonders why this happened to him. I know that he would give up everything, including his pitching arm, to have his Dad back.

But he does not cry, at least not in front of me. He does not get angry about it. He does not act out because of it. He does not get in a significant amount of trouble. He does not lie in his room and sulk.

Instead, from the moment that Gordie died, Nathan has tried to help our family get through the life we were handed.

He is helpful with his little brother. “If you are tired from work Mom, I can put Wyatt to bed tonight.”

He tries to help with the grocery shopping. “Tell me what to go get.”

He tries to help get us out of the house in the mornings. “Mom, do you want me to pour you a sparkling water with ice for the car?”

He tries to help with our finances. “I don’t want a birthday party Mom because my baseball is so expensive.”

He tries to help with my job. “Do you have to do some work this weekend Mom? I can watch Wyatt.”

He enables me to run, even when we are in the midst of a month of earthquakes and I see the shade of fear in his eyes. “Mom, go ahead and run tomorrow morning. I will take care of Wyatt if there is an earthquake.”

He is concerned about his brother’s pain. “I feel so bad for Wyatt. He does not remember Daddy and does not know what it feels like to have a Dad.”

He is only 13 years old and he’s been helping our family since he was six years old.

So, that’s why I think Nathan is so amazing. He was forced to live a life that he really does not want…a life without a Dad. He lives with a hole in his heart that will never be filled. He lives with envy for kids who have a Dad. He lives wishing life was different. But he does not complain. He does not act badly. He is well liked by his friends, teammates, teachers, coaches, and other parents. He is kind, caring, compassionate, and respectful. He is thankful for the blessings he has in life: his family, his friends, and the opportunities he is given. He has held on to his faith. He works hard on his academics and baseball. He lives to live and dreams big. He is committed to helping his Mom and his little brother get through what can sometimes be a very challenging life.

And he’s only 13. That’s f’ing amazing.