1. Not having anyone to talk to when my kids are playing on their devices in a public place
  2. Writing “deceased” on the second parent line on forms for sports, school, etc.
  3. Not being able to sleep with the sliding glass door open in my room at night
  4. Navigating the world of youth sports on my own
  5. Father/Son events
  6. Watching people’s faces when I say “late husband”
  7. Saying “late husband”
  8. Not having a wedding ring on my left hand…I wear mine on my right hand
  9. Having to unload the car by myself when we come home late at night after being at a sports tournament all day
  10. Hearing noises outside my house at night
  11. Earthquakes in the middle of the night
  12. Not having anyone with whom to divide and conquer
  13. Killing spiders…and once even catching a lizard that somehow got into the house
  14. The things in my house that don’t work because I don’t know how to fix them or replace them
  15. Knowing I will never be married to someone for 50 years
  16. All the money I spend on babysitters, not for me to get out and have fun, but because I need help getting my kids to two different places at the same time
  17. Making the bed by myself at 11pm after forgetting I washed the sheets that day
  18. Checking “widow” on forms
  19. Having to make a back-up dinner because I could not get the lid off the spaghetti sauce jar
  20. Cleaning the garage
  21. Dragging my kids to places like an eyebrow wax because there is no second parent with whom to leave them
  22. Lying on the floor of the kitchen when I have the flu and there is nobody else to make dinner for my kids
  23. Hearing my sons say “he died” when someone asks about their Dad
  24. Feeling overwhelmed…almost daily
  25. The anger that never leaves no matter how much I run