For the first several weeks after Gordie died, I left his beloved F-150 truck at the Estate. The boys and I were living at my parents’ house and I did not really need a second car. After a few weeks, I needed the truck to get some bigger items, like Nathan’s bike, from the Estate to my parents’ house. So, I had my Dad drive me to the Estate one afternoon after work so that I could get some stuff and the truck. What I didn’t expect was pop tarts and starbursts.
I brought the truck back to my parents’ house. The boys were inside with Kansas, their Nanny.
“Did you get Daddy’s truck?” Nathan asked.
“Yep”, I answered.
“Can we go for a ride in it?” Nathan asked.
My heart sank a little bit. I knew that he was trying to find a way to be close to Gordie.
“Sure. Now? It actually needs gas. We can go do that if you want”, I said.
“OK” Nathan said.
The boys said good-bye to Kansas. I carried Wyatt out to the truck and strapped him in his carseat. I helped Nathan climb up into the truck and into his booster seat.
We drove down the street and headed out the neighborhood towards the town. I looked around the truck. It was disgusting. There were sunflower seed shells all over the floor.
“This truck is a mess”, I said to the boys.
“Daddy liked it this way”, Nathan said.
“Did he actually eat sunflower seeds and spit the shells on the floor?” I asked.
Nathan started laughing. “Yes”, he choked out between laughs. Wyatt giggled. It was so damn good to hear them laugh.
“Disgusting”, I said.
“Can we have a Pop Tart?” Nathan asked.
“What?” I asked in confusion.
“Can we have a Pop Tart?” Nathan asked again.
“Um, are you asking me to go to the store and get Pop Tarts?” I asked still confused.
“No”, said Nathan, “there are Pop Tarts in there”. He pointed to the center console.
I popped open the lid of the center console and took a peek inside while still driving down the road. Sure enough there was a box of Pop Tarts.
“What are these doing in here?” I asked.
“Daddy would give them to us when we were doing errands” Nathan said.
Good grief, I thought. Really Gordie? A stash of Pop Tarts? Gordie knew I thought Pop Tarts were total crap. My friend Brenda worked for Kellogg’s and would sometimes smuggle Pop Tarts to Gordie and Nathan when she visited.
“There are Starbursts in there too”, Nathan said.
You are kidding! I thought
I moved the box of Pop Tarts to the side and sure enough, there was a big bag of Starbursts. It was like Gordie had a 7/11 store in his center console.
I looked in the rear view mirror at Nathan. He was smiling.
“Daddy let us have the stuff you did not let us have”, Nathan said through laughter.
Uh yeah, I thought, and he hid it in his truck. I started laughing.
What the hell?, I thought and handed them each a Pop Tart. They grabbed them eagerly and started eating them. I glanced back at Wyatt. His little hands were holding the Pop Tart up to his mouth so that he could lick the icing.
I pulled into the gas station and filled up the truck. When I jumped back in the truck, the boys were still happily eating their Pop Tarts.
As we drove home, the only sound I could hear was the crunching of Pop Tarts. I looked in the rear view mirror again. They both looked so happy. Who knew that a ride in an F-150 truck and eating Pop Tarts could put such happy smiles on my grieving sons’ faces?
They finished their Pop Tarts just I entered my parents’ neighborhood.
“Can we have a Starburst now?” Nathan asked.
“Don’t push it”, I said.