I am really sad this week. More sad than I usually am.

And it’s not because I miss my husband more this week. It’s not because I am more tired of being a Solo Mom this week. It’s not because anything bad happened this week.

I am sad because this is the last week of summer vacation for my sons. They go back to school on Monday. I’ve got the End of Summer Time Blues.

Summer, for me, is the easiest time to be a Widow with kids. It’s the only time of year when I can somewhat catch my breath. It’s the time of year when I can spend more time with my kids. It’s the season when I am actually, ever so slightly, a better, more fun Mom. It’s the only time when I can actually relax for more than one hour a month.

I work full time, year round. I don’t get a summer vacation but the 12 weeks my kids are out of school feels like a summer vacation even though I go to work 10-11 weeks out of those 12 summer weeks.

Why?

When I get home from work in the summer, there is no homework to help finish.

When I get home from work during the summer, there is no pressure to get dinner on the table so that the kids are in bed early enough to get a good night’s rest before the next school day.

When I get home from work in the summer, we can all put our swimsuits on and play in the pool as late as we want.

When we finish dinner in the summer, the three of us can pile on to the couch and watch a movie.

In the summer, if I don’t go to the store on the weekends, it does not matter. There are no lunches to make on Sunday nights

When my kids are on summer break, I get an hour more of sleep because I can run at 6:30am instead of 5:30am since I don’t have to help them get ready for school. That’s five more hours of sleep a week. That’s 60 more hours of sleep during the entire summer. No wonder the dark circles under my eyes are less pronounced during the summer.

When my kids are on summer break, I don’t feel bad about giving them cereal for dinner. They don’t have to use their brains the next day!

During the summer, I have more Me time. I can go to a local pool and swim laps in the evenings without guilt. I can get a pedicure after work. I can walk with my Bestie until 9:30pm.  Nobody is waiting for me to put dinner on the table or help with homework or tell them to got to bed.

During the summer, there are less sports practices and other activities that require my Mom-Uber services.

During the summer, I have time to read, which I really enjoy.

When it’s summertime, Sundays are not “prep for the week” days. They are just fun.

During the summer, I don’t yell at my kids as much because I am less stressed and more relaxed.

During the summer, I get to spend more time with my kids.

When it’s summertime, the clock does not rule our lives.

During the summer, we are not driving around in the car all the time.

When it’s summer, I do not wake up every morning and pray “just let us make it through everything we have going on today.”

When it’s summer, we get to go to McCall, Idaho for a week on the lake, which makes all three of us so happy.

During the summer, I can run by the McCall church where Gordie and I got married and say a quiet “hi” to him.

During the summer, we have the time to clean up the garage, clean out drawers, and make piles of stuff the boys have outgrown. Purging the house is therapeutic.

During the summer, my company provides half day Fridays. I get to do fun stuff with my boys 12 afternoons during the summer.

Summer 2018 was an incredible summer. My older son got to play baseball in Cooperstown, NY. We bought a fire pit to make s’mores. We watched some great movies together. We swam in our pool at night. We had lazy dinners on the patio at our favorite joint. The boys paddle boarded, kayak’d, cliff jumped, and tubed. I paddle boarded, waterski’d and had some great lake swims. I read three “chick-lit” books. We spent time with families who we consider part of our family.

But Summer 2018 comes to an end in a few days.

And I am so sad. I dread this time of year…year after year.  End of Summertime Blues.

Starting Monday it’s back to the crazy, frenetic pace that only a Solo parent can understand. It’s back to the carefully orchestrated schedule that is so complicated, I still have to do it on paper. It’s back to waking up everyday and praying “just let us make it through everything we have going on today.”

Starting Monday it’s back to the 5:15am alarm, waking the boys up, making breakfast, prodding my 8-year old to get ready, homework, daily sports practices, early bedtimes, making daily lunches, prep for the week Sundays, and…stress.

The good news is that it’s only nine months until Summer 2019.